Ableism "but Not Really" (Queer Eye 1)

In honor of the 7th season of “Queer Eye” that came out May 12, I decided to write about the ableism in the show.

There are 2 episodes that immediately come to mind.

The first one is season 4 episode 2 “Disabled but Not Really”. It’s about a man named Wesley who is paralyzed as a result of being shot when he was 24.

There are many things that upset me about the episode, so let’s just get right into it.

Let’s start with talking about the reason for the title.

Wesley has a foundation called “Disabled but Not Really”. Wesley is very adamant that he isn’t disabled (as is his right to self identify), but why showcase a constant narrative of “being disabled is bad”? As a Disabled person this makes me feel really bad. It makes me feel like I’m being told there’s something wrong with me for identifying as Disabled. It reminds me of the people who have told me my entire life that I should overcome my disability. The people who correct me when I say I’m disabled. They would say “don’t say that! You’re differently-abled” and other horrible, insulting euphemisms.

There is nothing wrong with Wesley not personally identifying as Disabled, but it isn’t a bad word. Many people have found community through identifying as Disabled. How about addressing the ableism in the phrase “Disabled but Not Really”?

Another thing that bothers me about this episode is Wesley’s mom and how they portray her.

A big part of the episode is Dawn, Wesley’s mom, being depicted as a, if not THE, victim.

Firstly: Antoni, Karamo, and Tan had a conversation with Dawn. It was a longer conversation than any they had with Wesley. Like Dawn’s experience mattered more than their hero’s. They’ve never treated their able-bodied heroes like that. The people of “Queer Eye” have had at least one in depth, serious conversation with every able-bodied hero they’ve had. The conversation with the nominator has never overpowered or been longer than their conversation(s) with the “hero”.

Also, during that same conversation, Dawn talked about things she had and has to do. Wesley was bedridden and she had to pick him and put him in and out of the tub so he could take a bath. A direct quote from Dawn: “It’s still hard today. Coming over to do laundry because it’s in the basement. I don’t really wanna come over and do that, but I have to.” So a conversation they would usually use to get to know their hero from a different point of perspective is all about Dawn and how her life has been negatively affected because she just happens to be Wesley’s mom?

After that conversation, Dawn and Karamo had a one-on-one conversation of their own. During that conversation Karamo told Dawn that she gave her life for 7 years and that must have been hard for her. Wesley was bedridden for 2 years, so the 5 years after she’s still “giving her life”? Dawn lost her relationship and her house. My heart goes out to her, but, also, so what? Wesley is supposed to be this episode’s hero, so why focus on how Wesley becoming paralyzed has negatively impacted his mom rather than how it’s (in general) impacted Wesley? Also, during Karamo and Dawn’s conversation, Karamo calls her “an amazing, amazing mother”, but isn’t taking care of your child after they have gotten shot something any decent parent would do? Why is she “an amazing mother” for taking care of her child?

At the beginning of the episode, Antoni asked Wesley if there is anything he would like to do (food/cooking wise) that he hasn’t been able to and Wesley said he wants more of a variety of foods.

But when Antoni, Wesley, and Bobby (why was Bobby there?) go grocery shopping, they only focus on foods Wesley already eats. Making different dishes out of the food Wesley is used to is not “a variety of foods”. Why even ask Wesley what he wants if you’re not going to listen to him?

There’s a part when Wesley is shopping with Tan that is horrifyingly shocking. Tan asks Wesley how he’s doing from outside the dressing room. Wesley says he’s putting on pants. Tan then asks him if he needs help…WTF??

Tan has never said that to any of their able-bodied heroes.

At the point of this episode Wesley has been putting on his own pants for 30+ years, 4 or 5 of those after he became paralyzed. Wesley is a grown man. Why would anyone think that privacy-invading question is okay?

Near the end of the episode Karamo drives Wesley to his house. While they’re both going up the ramp, Karamo is pushing Wesley’s wheelchair. At the same time, Wesley is trying to push himself. And Karamo will. Not. Let. Go. Like…Wesley has obviously got it. He’s been pushing himself for at least 4 years…so what the hell?

They all then go into the house to tour it and see what Bobby has done.

One thing Bobby did is put a washer and dryer on the main floor so Wesley can do his own laundry. Johnathan says it’s “really sweet” (“sweet” as in “kind”). Isn’t it literally Bobby’s job to make every part of whatever place he’s designing accessible? Why is it “really sweet” that Bobby did his job?

Before Wesley gets dressed in his new clothes, he and Karamo have a conversation. Most of their conversation is about Wesley’s mom. Wesley says his mom will be free from the pain and struggle now that he’s able to be fully independent. So he felt he needed to change so his mom could be okay? In no world is that okay. I’m incredibly baffled and speechless.

When Tan and Wesley are at Wesley’s closet Tan mentions Bobby lowered where the clothes hang so Wesley can easily access them. Why was this necessary? Again, that is literally Bobby’s job. He didn’t even have a point with mentioning that. He made that comment then swiftly moved on to what clothes he picked out for Wesley. So…what?

Then, OF COURSE, the episode wouldn’t be complete (sarcasm) without some inspiration porn!

At the end of the episode, all the experts of “Queer Eye” and Wesley are talking. During this conversation Antoni tells Wesley the way he looks at things “is so admirable.” Would Antoni still find Wesley admirable if he wasn’t in a wheelchair?

Lastly, a couple things happened after the “Fab Five” left.

After they leave, they watch their “hero” do whatever end of the week event they have on their “TV”.

In this episode, before they “turned on their TV” Karamo said, “who’s ready to watch one of our most inspirational heroes ever”. Same thing as with Antoni’s comment: why is Wesley one of their “most inspirational heroes ever”? Seriously. If Wesley did everything he does now but as someone without a disability, would he still be one of “Queer Eye’s" “most inspirational heroes”? Is it because he works with people with disabilities and you view us as less?

The first thing happened when Dawn and Wesley’s daughter, Nevaeh, came to the house and saw everything for the first time. When Dawn saw the washer and dryer on the floor above the basement, Tan said, “This is gonna massively alter her life, too. She gets her freedom back.” Taking care of and helping her son doesn’t mean she lost her freedom.

The last thing is at Wesley’s event for his foundation, Disabled but Not Really. Wesley is giving a speech and he says he is “disabled…but not really”. This is the first and only time in the episode that Wesley calls himself disabled.

Overall, this episode very clearly portrays people with disabilities as burdens. A reoccurring thing in the episode is Wesley’s mom, Dawn, “gets her freedom back” when Wesley is able to be ”completely independent".

The title of Wesley’s foundation (and, therefore, the title of the episode), “Disabled but Not Really”, enforces the narrative that people who identify as Disabled as succumbing to or not overcoming their disability. Many people in the community identify as Disabled AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Being Disabled is not a bad thing. It’s liberating and freeing for a lot of people, myself included. It can pave the way to community and chosen family. I personally never had community until I started addressing my internalized ableism and realized it wasn’t a bad thing to say or be Disabled.

I greatly appreciate that there is wheelchair user representation in the show, but that doesn’t make the ableism okay. You can have representation without having ableism.